I just read The Profile by Polina Marinova Pompliano (see above photo) and "Words and Character" do not carry enough weight these days. By the way, I highly recommend subscribing to The Profile, if you haven't yet. I was a fan when she did the Term Sheet at Fortune Magazine - and continue to be a fan. Today's Profile Dossier is on Hugh Jackman. I love this actor... and after reading about him today, I love him even more.

At the end of the article, there is a list of "techniques to try".... and one of them really hit a chord with me. Big deep one that's been on my mind a lot recently. 

From about 2007 to about 2015, I had a really good friend. We met through salsa dancing and I remember just being so moved by the fresh energy and zest for life she used to carry. She's off the charts amazing as a dancer too - I'd often sit on the side watching her. She had a way of dancing that was so detailed and natural - it was like watching an exotic car move effortlessly in a sea of Toyotas and Hondas. Beautiful. I tend to just fall in love with the people I bring into my life - and perhaps I put them on a pedestal too. Wonderful treasures of laughter, hugs, memories, and more. 

We went to each other's weddings. Our friends became her friends, and vice versa.

Then it started (again). I'm not sure if it's me. It's happened several times now where since I'm the only thing common, I can't help but think it's me. Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm just not that interesting. Maybe no one really wants to be friends with me in the first place. Am I even worth anyone's time? It's a downward spiral of sadness, and self-pity.

We'd be making plans to visit San Francisco, and of course, I'd send a note to my usual favorite friends to see while there. I'm usually an introvert and seek more of those intimate conversations with family/friends. Only if time is truly limited, I'll throw everyone into one big dinner or drinks...

She was on this list of friends I truly enjoyed seeing. The first time it happened, we were supposed to meet for a drink at happy hour. Then about an hour before, she was tired so wanted to push it to later. It became a dinner plan. Then around dinner, it became dessert. Then around dessert time, it became after dinner drinks... then late night drinks... then the next day.

My husband also thought it was weird. We brushed it off the first few times as oh well, the timing must have been difficult... oh bummer, they must be really busy... ...

​Words and Character. Shouldn't they mean something?

Then on subsequent attempts on following trips to San Francisco, plans would be made and broken again and again. And the questions of, who else is going to be there? Is anyone else going to be meeting up with us? ... Is there anyone notable that she would miss meeting if she didn't come out to meet up with me? ...

It just was not working out. I suppose I could have confronted her candidly about what I was experiencing. Then again, the relationship at that point now had a giant chasm of doubt in between. I did not trust that I knew anything about her anymore. The character and values that are so important to me didn't seem to match. Then I had to make a conscious decision and remove her from my mental list of folks that I wanted to see, and/or wanted to see me... I took it as perhaps I'm just not that exciting enough for her. Perhaps not beautiful enough. Perhaps not influential enough. Just not enough - and perhaps most definitely, we're not a fit for each other anymore. It was causing me so much heartache so I quietly went a different direction.

Experiences where family and friends don't keep their word puts a dent in the trust tree. Words and Character - they should mean something. Put enough dents into the trunk of the tree and it'll fall down and die. Perhaps it stems from a childhood trauma - like so many of these things we think are unique in our adult lives.... I used to run home every day hoping to see my father after school. He was never there.... and then only once he was there standing behind the front screen door when I got home.

And then, he was never there again.

​Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tapping my shoulders.

Warmly,
​Arry 

This past one (1) year, I've learned a lot. October 2018 to October 2019, I've learned an incredible amount about me, my relationships, recovering from significant challenges, the meaning of life, and much more:

1. No matter what happens, I feel comfortable with my choices to date. Not everyone agrees with me all the time - and that is okay with me. I need to live life and be true to the foundational values that are core to who I am, and to do it with integrity. They say, "listen to your gut" - I know that I need to be attuned to my gut. I've been practicing it, a lot.
2. I know that in the hardest of times, I will fight as hard as I can for what I believe to be the right thing to do. I'm a warrior. To steal the words from a mentor of mine, Empathy Warrior. I will go to the ends of the earth for my love, our children, our family, our tribes, and our mission in life. I'm a fighter that has now learned how to be a peace maker with myself, others, and more.
3. Life is an absolute gift. Spend as much of every moment with the people that matter most in life - and work to amplify only what should be amplified. 
4. Creating life is an absolute gift. I've written about the wretched heartache and loss of miscarriage. Being blessed with two of the most amazing young boys has made me feel so much gratitude and fullness that nothing else the world could give me. I would love to have the opportunity to have more children, if it is possible.
5. Marriage to Dae has been my life's greatest commitment. It's very hard at (a few) times, and it's amazing at (many) other times. Marrying the right person is critical - and it's not based on height, income, pedigree, or anything like that at all. It takes a lot of self awareness, flexibility, empathy and listening, and true partnership of mind, body, emotion, mission, and vision. How lucky am I that he persisted, week after week, month after month despite my ignorant declarations that I would never ever marry him. :)
6. Stories matter, a lot. The internal stories we tell ourselves to tie the missing context as very young children become the living stories of our adult selves. Word choices matter. Where we use these words, whether in public forums or behind closed doors in secret matters. How we use these words, whether to slash at someone's soul or to bridge ideas together, matters. Why we use words at all, whether to add value to the community or to get something off the chest, also matters. Not everything has to be said - and yet, sometimes over communicating means everything. 
7. Pacing makes a huge difference. Pacing means having the control and skill to be able to throttle velocity. Pacing means even in the midst of chaos, being able to find time for slow thinking, meditation, and breathing. Space. (S)Pace. Take an hour off, a day off, a week off, a year off - whatever you can afford and make happen. I've been lucky to have been able to take a year off, and it's literally been one of the best gifts I never knew I needed. 
8. In chaos, stand still. In chaos, the human inclination is the run fast(er), scream, yell, and fight. I've learned, do the opposite. Stand still. Walk slower. Take a break. Hug your loved ones. The truth, what matters most will become crystal clear, and chaos will become tranquility. Every time I've started using my sledge hammer in times of chaos, it's been destructive in a bad way. Every time I've held my tongue/slowed down/been intentionally quiet in times of chaos, it's been constructive in a very good way. "Go wide before you decide." 
9. Incentives drive everything. When alliances appear to be "random", when people go out of their way to show (or not show) their support, when "catch-22" conflicting situations arise, start by asking about each party's incentives. WIIFM. What's in it for them. Most people are just hungry - hungry for love, for attention, for recognition, for a paycheck, for a chance at opportunity. A few are plain greedy. 
10. Having a gratitude state of mind is like wearing rose-colored glasses. I am so thankful these days, and as a result, I am at peace with who I am and the state of life. No, that does not mean everything is going great. It means I am happy with the present. The colorful fall leaves are beautiful. Seeing how hard my husband works for our family's happiness makes me so grateful for his giving heart. Our sons are gifts - pure, loving, and curious. Our community has some very big hearted really good people in it. It really is a great time to be alive.

Want the abbreviated version of what I've learned this past year? The summary is that the magic key ingredient to everything is empathy. Most of us are trying to make a mark, to do something with life, and to be a good valuable member of the community. Sometimes, a person may get wrapped up in the chaos they are in and respond too quickly. Another time, a person may poke a bear a little too hard with a stick that is too sharp and prickly. Emotions are real - and it's very important to not let the emotions get the best of us. Don't forget to breathe and find empathy.

​--Arry 

My last post was my best 3 AM attempt to synthesize all of the voices and put into one holistic map of what’s going on locally in Seattle.  We as humans, myself included, are bombarded with noise all day long - the billboard signs, the yard signs, the Facebook and Twitter feeds, emails, and yes, even getting unsolicited text messages from candidates (not cool = Tammy Morales).  It’s increasingly difficult to find that quiet thinking time. It’s very difficult to figure out who has what incentives, why are they pushing a particular candidate (or not), and what is most important for me and my community.  
​
My last post upset some people - even upset some friends.  Hopefully, we can disagree and still like each other.

Here are five additional thoughts on the topic of Ari Hoffman and Civic Discourse:

1. Public servants need to practice stewardship.  Public servants that hold office should hold the idea of stewardship as a core principle; it should be central to the why they get up every day to do the work they do for the community.  Stewardship. Reminder, Mirriam-Webster defines stewardship as “the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care stewardship of resources.”  Resources like: publicly funded dollars, buildings, roads, the environment, and even people who reside in or work for that particular community.  Ari Hoffman has demonstrated through action, not just words, the principle of stewardship and discipline I expect to see from those that serve the community.  Some examples:
   1. Vandals caused over $230,000 in damages to a local Jewish cemetery, including strewn needles and bottles.  As a board member of this cemetery, Ari went above and beyond. He raised awareness. He went to the news for help. He went to the city for help.  He still has not gotten the support he originally sought. “Hoffman did share photos with KIRO 7 as proof that the cemeteries have been disrespected, needles near tombstones, feces discarded near them or simply left on top of grave plots. He also said empty bottles and discarded drug paraphernalia led him to believe some people were partying near the plots, “people are doing drugs off the tombstones.”  Most people forget the dead and elderly - what I see is a community and a man that shares a forgotten kind of respect for those that came before us.  Ari has a kind of stewardship that I want for our city; someone who will fight for everyone, even those who no longer have a voice to fight for themselves, like the human dead among us.
   2. On safe injection sites - a very political topic in Seattle - again Ari has demonstrated the kind of stewardship I want to see. Yes - there have been many studies that may prove that they work, and there may be a lot of benefits.  And yes, there are studies that show that they may not work (as in a new study in the International Study of Drug Policy). It’s still not actually clear if they work or not given inherent complexities. While seen as completely flabbergasting, Ari Hoffman is doing the right thing by pushing back on safe injection sites.  We should be questioning if what people want is a magic pill to solve the challenges and is that best magic pill, safe injection sites? Who wants the safe injection site down the street from where they live?  Who wants it in the neighborhood where playgrounds, children, and families strive to thrive? Key stewardship point: Ari Hoffman went even further by taking personal time and resources to go check out first hand to understand what safe injection sites are and whether it may or may not make sense.  He went to San Diego. He went to Vancouver, BC. Ari took personal time, and personal resources to go learn about the issue. Has any other candidate done that?   And yes, there are always at least three sides to any story - what he demonstrated again and again, is his willingness to do the hard work to think for himself. He speaks truth to power - even though many of us don’t want to hear it.  That’s stewardship. We may not all agree on his point of views or what he saw or the story he tells based on what he saw, we all have to agree that his kind of stewardship is what the community needs.
2. Is Ari Hoffman conservative? No and Yes. If you mean, what some people call “right-wing, MAGA and NRA loving Republican?  No. Conservative meaning preferring a sober and evidence-based, practical approach to finding solutions to problems?  Yes. How did this idea of Ari Hoffman being an ultra-conservative come about?
   1. The Stranger was founded by Tim Keck, who had previously co-founded the satirical newspaper The Onion, and cartoonist James Sturm. Its first issue came out on September 23, 1991. It calls itself "Seattle's Only Newspaper," an expression of its disdain for Seattle's two dailies (the Seattle Times and the now-defunct print edition of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer) and The Stranger's main rival, the Seattle Weekly. The paper regularly covers Seattle City Council politics.  The Stranger is generally very liberal and progressive in its perspectives.  The Stranger has positioned him as "ultra-conservative" - and unfortunately, people have taken that to be truth without actually looking to see if it is true.
   2. Ari Hoffman also has accepted all and ANY invitation for an interview.  This is NOT a politically accepted thing to do, especially if you are a candidate running for office.  Surprising to me, because in theory, isn’t it a good thing to be willing to have a conversation with every person (no matter what their beliefs are)?  What I’ve learned is that if you’re running for office in Seattle, you decline an interviews with the NRA for example. You decline to even have a conversation.  Ari didn’t. He thought for himself and went, that doesn’t make any sense. Isn’t it a good thing to have honest conversations, despite differences?  
   3. The topic of safe injection sites again.  In district two of Seattle, one of the most racial diverse, progressive districts here, most people are very liberal and very progressive - leaning towards “democratic socialism”.  It’s literally “not cool” to question if safe injection sites actually work. As one person wrote on my facebook page regarding Ari, “he is actively sharing opinions and his new video that is very much out of alignment on current best practices and research based approaches for homelessness. “  It hasn’t been proven yet.  How many of the folks that support safe injection sites want one  across the street from where they live? Then is the idea to support progressive ideas as long as they are placed “somewhere else”, not in our neighborhood?  Let’s be honest here.
3. Civic discourse is when people communicate with one another about the political, social, cultural or economic issues that their community face to begin a conversation or debate.  Today, in Seattle and beyond, most of us are afraid and wary about sharing our true thoughts about anything. A lot of people are hard-wired with all kinds of triggers and hence, a ready-to-wear angry emotional reaction to whomever or whatever source made the disagreeable statement.  This is not how civic discourse happens. We’re Democrat or Republican - ready to shut the other side down without even trying out a thought experiment to really consider what they are trying to say. Hey, remember, most of us don’t have all the right words and don’t know how to say something “the right way”.  We’re all trying. And while many of us are being re-trained to embrace diversity - diversity of color, race, sexual orientation, and more - most of us are absolutely hardwired to distance ourselves and reject ideological diversity. What’s wrong with learning more about the other very different person? What’s wrong with meeting with a die-hard NRA loving person to share disagreements and to talk about it?  What’s wrong with asking the “stupid question”? In business, it’s supposedly encouraged. What about in community and in politics?
4. We all live in bubbles.  There have been warnings here and there that say especially because of media and the social media algorithms, we are primed to exist in “bubbles” of only similar ideology and like-minded folks we agree with.  Every “like” in Facebook means you’ll see even more posts from that person or entity you already agree with. How do we combat bubbles? We have to actively seek opinions, media, and posts that are different than the ones you agree with. For example: Are you a die-hard Democrat?  Follow some die-hard Republicans.  
5. Character matters when I vote.  Safety for me is top of mind because of all the violence my family has personally experienced in the past couple of years.  I’m also looking at behaviors that indicate character. I’m looking at actions that demonstrate discipline and respect. I’m looking to find commonalities - like family orientation and having had children.  I’m looking at length of journey to date - I do NOT want someone who’s in the moonlight years of their career, I want candidates who have some life experience, have some good work experience, and are looking to leave a mark still in the world.  I want someone who will get up again and again after they’ve fallen. I want candidates that will speak truth to power, speak truth period, even if it is not the “PC” thing to say or do. Again, this is why, I’m voting for Ari Hoffman in District 2.  He’s a little flamboyant in his delivery and presentation. He’s a little bit like a bull in a China shop with his political skills. He’s like a gorilla who’s charging through brick walls and bashing down twine that’s in his way. That’s who I want in Seattle Council - fighting for safety, fighting for respect of our green spaces and parks, fighting for a little bit of common sense and practicality in finding the right kind of humane solutions for everyone.

At the end of the day, whether a person is old/young, white/black/yellow/green, Democrat/Republican, white collar/blue collar, citizen / immigrant - we are actually far more alike than different.  We are all human. If we start with that as the foundational place for any discussion, any disagreement, any kind of civic discourse - we’ll find that generally: 

• We ALL want and consider ourselves to be good people.
• We all want safe spaces for ourselves, our children, and our families.
• We all want safe, clean neighborhoods.
• We all want better lives for the poor, sick, and weak.
• We all want access to decent schools, education, and a way to grow.
• We all want access to reliable public/private transportation, roads, and more.
• We all want access to affordable, good homes.

We are all human.  Likely, we all want the same things for ourselves and each other.  Let’s start there, in the name of humanity -- and then work to figure out the details, the different approaches and ideas, and get there, together. 

​--Arry

I actually pushed hard for several weeks in February, March and April of this year about running for Seattle City Council this year.  Yes, while very pregnant with #theQuinoa.  The timing did not work out.  I have political interests for the future, yes.  

Promised on our podcast episode of Windshield Time, "Ray Dalio Report, Poopcoin, and Local Politics" that I'd share this, so here it is. 

Why now?  Here's what we've experienced as a family, all in the last 1.5 - 2 years that's caused my strong attention to our local political scene in Seattle:

1. My husband was held up at gunpoint by four (4), yes that's FOUR armed young men near our home.  You can imagine the horror when my husband gave me that update, waking me up in the middle of the night.  HORROR.  Complete horror.
2. My mother-in-law, aged 70+, was mugged, in the evening getting off the bus-line near our home.  Two young women, in fact, pushed her down, took her purse, and then... kicked her even more as she lay there.  She was very bruised up.  (WHY kick an old lady when she's down?)
3. Our home was completely burglarized.  They took pretty much everything you can think of - including shoes, Seahawks jerseys, and packed it all up in our own bags/suitcases. 
4. Homeless people camping out in our child's daycare playground.  No one wants to imagine strangers and homeless people camping out at the daycare.
5. Increased visual vandalism EVERYWHERE - every crevice, sign, highways, underpasses, and then some is seemingly covered in graffiti or trash in general.  This is a beautiful city - one I fell in love with almost 18 years ago when I moved to this city.  It was the cleanest, friendliest, and most amazing city I had ever seen. 

Here's what I think.  Those in positions of public service, do not seem to understand that public service is about stewardship and taking careful care of our communities.  I am very skeptical that many who are in Seattle City Council positions or that are running for Seattle City Council positions are doing so because they want to serve - and more for the $100,000+ salary that it comes with.  Many are running for the pay-raise.  Maybe some have run for the political platform and access.  What we need is stewardship.  Stewardship. Stewardship. Stewardship.  Servant leadership.  "The careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care" is how Merriam-Webster defines Stewardship.  Do a job so carefully that it's left in an even better state than when you originally were entrusted with it.  As Seattle, that's what is missing.

So, there are endorsements and voter guides being published left and right.  Liberal.  Conservative.  Facebook.  Media.  Pamphlets.  I took what I have seen so far, and threw it into a spreadsheet.  Excel.  For transparency, I added a column for where I am leaning towards today - it may change by the time I fill out the ballet.  The lens I share/vote from, is in this post above.  I want to be able to safely take my children to the playground.  I do not want to worry about my family's safety.  I want to see the active stewardship of our city - by the City Council and everyone in the community.  I found and like this resource that seems to easily list the data on all the candidates here.  

Another great tool to help you figure out who you want to vote for is Align Vote.  Here's the link. 

Here's my spreadsheet, along with my thoughts:

My current vote-leanings and thoughts:

• King County Prop 1: Parks, Recreation, Trails and Open Space Levy - Approve, even though I do not trust that we have "stewardship" of these funds happening.
• Port of Seattle Commissioner Pos 2 - Sam Cho
• Port of Seattle Commissioner Pos 5 - Fred Felleman
• Seattle City Council District 1 - Philip Tavel.  I personally believe that Lisa Herbold has not, and still does not demonstrate stewardship. I like Phil's talk of being equitable and effective.
• Seattle City Council District 2 - Ari Hoffman.  This is the only candidate that has actively and proactively demonstrated he has the discipline and stewardship I want in our city council.  He's got admirable grit, too - for literally having been picked on, and targeted in his campaigning.  I respect his tenacity and perseverance.  Resilience.  Mark Solomon, seemingly is a great candidate (in theory) - my spidey senses pick up that he's tired and not hungry enough to do the due diligence it takes to do the job thoughtfully.  Reminds me a little too much of Bruce Harrell (who I like as a person, and his prior service years.  He's tired and hence, retiring.).
• Seattle City Council District 3 - Pat Murakami.  Pragmatic.  Thoughtful responses who has a chance at looking at the community holistically from all sides.  Ami Nguyen and Eagan Orion seem great too - I am worried that their experience puts a heavy bias on them.  When I was doing my research to potentially run, I heard Ami was also pregnant like myself.  If so, huge props to her and her family for stepping up and actually running.
• Seattle City Council District 4 - Alec Pederson.  I appreciate that he cares about accountability.  I care about Stewardship.  I agree with Shaun Scott, that the taxes we currently have are very regressive.  It's true.  
• Seattle City Council District 5 - Ann Davison Sattler.  Caring about children, and low-income children wins my vote.  Society's top priority should be protecting our most innocent, future.
• Seattle City Council District 6 - Jay Fathi.  A collaborative approach that's about solving and delivering makes sound pragmatic sense.
• Seattle City Council District 7 - James Donaldson. I like his answer most, "Seattle birthed many of the greatest innovations, ground-breaking discoveries, and some of the largest companies, yet cannot meet basic civic needs."  I also like the idea of Jim Pugel.  His experience as a police chief and concerns about public safety.  Public safety is my top concern.  I like Michael George, too because his work experience matches up with, "Balancing inclusivity with neighborhood livability".    
• Seattle Proposition 1 Public Library Levy - Approve, even though I do not trust that we have "stewardship" of these funds happening.

There it is.  You may strongly disagree or agree with my votes or thoughts.  Always happy to chat and learn more - hopefully, via a mutually respectful conversation.  

​--Arry 

Recognize the people in the image above?

Yes.  That's my husband, Dae (aka @LuggageDonkey) on the left, me on the right.  

Back when we had just started dating, my husband introduced me to the idea of "windshield time".  Knowing is half the battle - knowing the idea of windshield time allows us to intentionally use it with each other.  Dae uses it to catch up and bond with his aging father (who is now 79 years old).  I use it with colleagues to prepare for meetings when driving together to a meeting.

I never thought I'd actually work with my husband... and here we are.  We've argued and fought, and battled our way to actually LAUNCHING the pilot podcast episode this week.  WHOO-HOO!  I wish you could have seen his face on Tuesday - Dae was so happy.  He was beaming about the beautiful weather, the view of Mount Rainier that was magnificent as we were driving to a meeting. We're on anchor.fm now. Check us out - give it a listen, send us some good mojo/feedback/ratings if you can to help us out. Thank you so much! 

Can't believe we actually got this done.  Whew! 

Here's the link: https://anchor.fm/windshieldtime206.

For my next post, I'll work on a list of quick early lessons that I've picked up in working with my husband. We both have strong opinions and personalities - and we are married, live together, and have two very young children together.  We're both sleep deprived.  That makes for an interesting mix.  

Hope you like it.  

Hugs,
Arry 
P.S. Second pilot episode of Windshield Time going live today! 

I saw this image fly by my eyes at about 330AM this morning - and I saved it as a reminder that I want to share/write about this... A LOT MORE ABOUT THIS.

Many of us humans, we have our dark down days.  Some have them more than others.  At my worst, I think I did not leave my room/bed/apartment for weeks.  Some times, the idea of being alive is just so exhausting.  Some times, I am able to push myself into being somewhat functional, going through the motions of a fully productive day - only doing what is absolutely necessary to not let anything blow up.  Other times, I've written long goodbye letters to my husband and family - only to "wake up" and throw it away.  I even daydreamed about getting in the car, alone, and driving endlessly on the highway to just go away from this surreal non-reality reality I was living in. 

I had a really tough time with postpartum depression with our first baby.  Really bad.  I had no idea how bad it was at the time.  Only looking back today, do I realize how deep in the depths of velvety despair I was living in day to day, night after night, month after month.  To help myself with this newest baby who was recently born, I did things differently. 

Five Things I'm Doing Differently with Our Second Baby to Avoid Postpartum Depression: 

1. Proactive Communication (before giving birth) - I told my OBGYN, my husband, friends, and more about how challenging postpartum depression was for me with our first baby.  With more people aware, they can help me when they see me teetering on the edge.  Recently, I woke up.  For some reason, everything felt so difficult.  I sat down on the couch ready to feed our newborn, and tears just started rolling down my face.  My husband looked at me and said, "go put on something comfortable to go outside with.  I'll drop you and the baby off at the mall and you can walk around a little while I do this quick 30 minute meeting this morning."  I started to object - and then something in me said, just do it. The day turned out to be really great because my husband was aware.
2. Lots of Photos - while pregnant, I put up photos all of over the home of wonderful memories, family, and friends.  It's seriously made a difference.  When I'm home, the photos are constant reminders of good memories, loving faces, and comfort that keep me from falling into that dark place too much.
3. Therapy - I see this Phd psychologist/leadership coach quarterly.  Todd.  When he saw me pregnant, in my second trimester, he asked, "did you get postpartum depression with the first pregnancy"?  I said, "yes, it was really bad".  Considering what I was going through last year, he strongly advised me to get a therapist ASAP to start working weekly on building some strong mental foundational tools before the baby was born.  Oh my goodness, SO HELPFUL.  He even looked up a few folks for me to call to find the right fit. 
4. Breathing Room & Forgiveness in Breastfeeding - For those that have not breastfed a newborn baby before, it's REALLY hard.  It's hard to produce the milk - enough milk.  It's hard on the body physically.  There's a lot of pain associated with it.  There's a lot of stress related to it knowing that this amazing adorable innocent human life form depends on you for it.  There's sacrifice - the sleep, the social events, what I can or cannot eat/drink, and then some.  This time around with this baby, we're going with "fed is best".  I've been supplementing with formula from the day he was born.  With our first baby, I felt so ashamed to even go there, so I pushed and pushed to have him exclusively breastfed until about 6 months of age.  I still feel the shame with not producing as much milk as with our first baby - and at the same time, I feel a tiny bit happier and freer.  It's a weird discombobulating feeling.  My husband has been reminding me, fed is best.  Whole generations of humans are and have been exclusively formula fed.  The baby will be okay. I don't know if it's the same for other mothers - my self worth and self esteem daily seems to be based on how breastfeeding is going that day.  
5. Indulging Myself with Food and Sleep - to my heart's content.  It took about a full month before I even allowed my husband to take care of our newborn ALL NIGHT LONG while I slept in the other bed with our toddler.  A full month.  For some reason, I have this innate feeling that it is fully my own responsibility to stay up all night, every night, with our newborn.  I feel an immense amount of guilt letting my husband do that.  I've been learning to let go - with coaxing and coaching from both my husband and therapist.  Sleep is amazing - milk flows so luxuriously and freely after a night of good sleep.  Same goes with when I've had some delicious food/beverage.  Oh, and this time, proactively recruiting help from not just family - but also the community has helped.  I now know what a MEAL TRAIN is!!! 

Having a baby - it's like the whole family getting hit by a bus.  For the mother who just gave birth, it's like getting hit by the bus a few more times.  The physical and mental demands are big - and not knowing any better, I really struggled with recovery with our first baby.  This second baby has been easier in so many ways, and more difficult in other (like having survived the unplanned c-section, that got infected... more on that some other time.)  

Net-net?  
Ask for help.  
Accept and embrace the help.  
Don't add more stress than is really needed.  
​Eat/sleep as much as you can.  
Have strong mental and visual anchors to stay strong daily.

Arry 

This is a blog post to... warm up my blogging self again.  It's really hard to start something again after dropping the ball for so long.  I am trying to pick the ball up again.  

​Smile.

I look at our growing family, now with two amazing little babies (technically, one is a toddler). Never say "never" is the lesson.  To think I was adamant with my (at the time) soon to be husband that I did not want children is crazy.  Never say "never".  I did not know what I was saying.  Of course, it's hard - sleep deprivation, mess everywhere, our home has been invaded with kids' items and baby gear.  Giving birth is hard - 36 hour labor with Lentil, and an unplanned c-section with complications with Quinoa.  Feeding them (or convincing them to eat healthy) is a constant negotiation exercise.  

On the other hand, I'm probably a better human for it (than if I hadn't been lucky to have had our children).  I see the miracle of life, the blessing that life is, and have far more empathy for how babies grow up to be people.  Probably, most of the troubles we have in our lifetimes are because of how someone was or wasn't wired properly based on who the parents were, on top of all the emotional baggage we collect as adults.  That about sums it up.  To fix some of the biggest world problems, be pro-human and make sure that the world's babies are brought up with love and the proper nutrition, from birth.  How can we prioritize that globally as one human race? 

​Seriously.

Lentil is our toddler, full of passion, curiosity, energy and zeal.  He loves to learn, sing, dance, anything art/creative, help in the kitchen, and most definitely, anything red with four wheels on it.  I'm sitting in his bedroom right now as I write - smelling his toddler smells and smiling. 

Quinoa is our newest addition and now barely over a month old.  He arrived, after being breached (twice), and a failed second attempt at a versioning, via c-section.  I'm mostly recovered from the c-section and its following complications now, as I'm now starting to worry about my vanity and how I am going to lose the extra baby weight (15 pounds to go).    

Dae keeps referring to himself as "grandpa-dad" - mostly because he'll be about 70 years old when our kid(s) graduate college.  :). I refer to Dae as "Benjamin Button" because he looks seemingly younger and younger each year that goes by.

Life's truest blessings is family and friends,
Arry

• The Democrats are now back in control of the House of Representatives, bring a semi-sense of balance back to our political landscape.  And we have women, people of diverse backgrounds getting seats at the table in this mid-term election.  Maybe we can start working together.  Maybe we can unclog our ears and listen more.
• In October, 2018, California became the first state to enact a law that makes it mandatory to have at least one woman on Corporate boards.  (LINK)  This is huge - and begins the shift of influence, power and wealth in corporate America.
• Amy Nelson of the Riveter (and I'm a huge fan of her work as an example of this trend) is making major traction for her new kind of coworking space. Yes, if co-working is the present and the future, then the work space should not be a frat house.  (LINK)  We'll see more and more of this kind of work space - and I'm really glad that we'll actually start having work spaces that make sense for all human beings, not just bros and dudes.
• We have so many women taking leading, powerful roles across entertainment.  It's awesome.  A Star is Born, Wonder Woman, and so many great titles portray women that are heroes, fighters, warriors, and so much more than the 2-dimensional one that only exists to bare children and serve dinner.
• Financial sector along with corporate governance models are being shaken up thanks to this brilliant opportunity that is opening up with blockchain, cryptocurrencies, Initial Coin Offerings (ICOs), together with the push of GDPR.  We've only seen the beginning of what the future looks like when it comes to the topics of data security, privacy, governance, accessibility, usability, and beyond.  2017, 2018, and I predict, 2019 and 2020 - the world as we know it is being rewritten through policies, regulations, governance, and people rethinking what really makes sense in this new digital realm we already live in.  

Jotting down and sharing some quick high level thoughts from the intensity of today.  It is a very monumental place in time we are sitting today - and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be alive and a part of it.

--Arry 

Making decisions whilst drowning in ambiguity and chaos.

Yes - that describes what it's like to be a founder and CEO of a startup.  That also describes what it's like to do a tokensale, an ICO, or anything in this new complex-business model blockchain "stuff".   

Making decisions whilst drowning in ambiguity and chaos holding a newborn baby in one hand and the Empire State Building in the other hand while balancing on a tight rope standing completely buck naked in front of the mob in a crowded stadium.

That's more like what life has been like the past 12 months and continues to be like for me personally.  It's surreal.  Time is moving both so slowly and at "warp" speeds at the same time.  Most of the time when I'm in a meeting, I am constantly having this "out-of-body" experience that allows me to walk around in the room mentally, while at the same time sitting in the chair and experiencing the meeting firsthand.  Surreal.  Sometimes my ghost body gets "stuck" in the physical body, where I'm trapped, blind, and suffocating.

There are also many times when it's just really tough.  Working with white spaces and green companies, we don't usually have a playbook of best practices to look to.  We don't have a board (of advisors or investors) to turn to on speed dial that can provide wisdom and a sounding board.  And when a company is growing so fast moving through the stages of its evolution in weeks and months, rather than years - without realizing it, many of the things that a company does actually is setting precedent for its future.  Forever.

In moments of really tough decisions, I play the scenario in my head over and over and over.  It's me on professional judgment day.  I'm standing before a jury of my professional heroes and heroines like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Meg Whitman, Peter Thiel, Ben Horowitz, Steven Sinofsky, Mary Barra, Sarah Imbach, Jeffrey Friedberg, and many more.  It's really important to me that I can look at myself in the mirror, and also picture myself standing before the jury of heroes and heroines.  I look for "defensible", logical, and figuring out what is the real intent of the decision that makes sense - and then look to what kind of precedent that it will set for the forever future for our employees, our culture, our advisors, our communities, ... and most importantly, our society.  Humanity.

And so, that is the state of where I am today - mentally standing before the professional jury.  

​And fighting daily to find "space".  Got tips?

--Arry

You'd think that a founder of a company called "GiftStarter" would be AWESOME at gifting.  I'm not.  Especially when it comes to husband.  Remember, I really dislike gifting for the sake of gifting.  I really dislike "junk" gifts.  Good gifts I think take a lot of time or a lot more budget.  ... Sigh.

Here are examples from my husband-gifting my track record so far.

1. 40th Birthday gift: a hand-written birthday card saying I'd be his and only his forever (we had just started dating for a few months at that point.  As an entrepreneur at that point, I was living on a very very tight budget.)  To this day, he says this is his favorite gift ever.
2. Christmas 2011: a cool RED Eddie Bauer down jacket.  He exchanged it for a down blanket.  I learned he's into name brands.  Eddie Bauer is not a cool name brand.  Really made me sad.
3. Christmas 2013: Slippers.  He still wears these, every day.  Funny.
4. Christmas 2014 + 2015 combined: A perfectly built-to-spec Macbook Pro. He loves this.  I've learned that he enjoys the dreaming of, finding the PERFECT specs and details, and then actually going and getting it.  The gift of an endorsement and support to indulge is what he really likes!
5. Christmas 2016: 1 year membership to the Shop, a coworking/hang out space for car-loving affectionado's.  We'll see how this went...  :)

He's my best life's decision I've ever made joining forces to live life together.  Forever.

--Arry