no assholes allowed

No assholes allowed.

It's taken me this long to actually get to sitting down and writing down the definition of an asshole.  Assholes exist.  I, like many people, figured I'd be able to recognize one when I saw one by trusting my gut.  It's an intellectually lazy thing to do, to assume.  And I have been regrettably intellectually lazy about this.  Because, assholes sneak pass my crappy filter and when I catch them, the stench is real.  Then, I break off all contact and fully disassociate with that person.  It's a crappy experience and process.  
Now that I'm in my late 30s, I thought, let's sit down and really think about this. There's got to be a better way.  It's even applicable to the world of entrepreneurship and startups.  When I applied to accelerators, they told me that assholes were not allowed.  When I talk to the professional investors and super angel investors, they tell me that assholes are not allowed.  

So I went back and documented all the different ways to tell if someone is an asshole.  I also interviewed investors, people, and other thought leaders.  I vetted the thinking with some more people.  And, by the way, Google defines an asshole as: "an irritating or contemptible person".  If any one or more of the 8 below identifiers go off, you're most likely dealing with an asshole. 

Here are the 8 asshole identifiers:

1. Relentlessly selfish.  These people don't really know how to think about anyone other than themselves.  It's me before we, always.  
2. Win at any cost to others.  They care about winning at any cost.  If they had a choice of winning where everyone else lost, they would choose to take their winning without any regrets.  
3. Love of money.  This person also loves money.  If there's a way to get it, they want it.  They want to be friends with rich people.  They are obsessed with looking like they have money.  They want more money, for themselves.  They count other people's money.
4. You should know, I'm really cool.  This one is a tricky one because when you meet this person, you find them so fascinating all of your filters turn a blind eye. Generally, the first few impressions a person tries to give other people don't start with, "I'm a visionary.  I got to party with Richard Branson last weekend.  I was eating fried scorpions in Peru before my trip to Aspen."  
5. I don't care to listen to you.  Pretty straightforward.  This person has the mantra of "my time, my words, my everything", are more important that you.
6. Disrespectful of others.  Also pretty straightforward.  This person will treat other people disrespectfully - especially the assistant, the parking attendant, the waiter, the janitor, or the kid's school teacher.  It's another version of <me> is much more important than <all other people>.
7. Cheaters.  They are missing the ethics gene and will use any short cut they can get at to increase their chances of "winning" money, fame or any success.   
8. Manipulators of insecurity.  The person that says, "You can trust me" is usually lying.  The person that says, "I'm a professional" is usually not one.  The person that says, "I support you" is usually out to get something from you.  The person that says, "I will never hurt you" will hurt you. 

If you run into a person or you identify with one or more of the above identifiers, you're probably dealing with an asshole.  Awareness is the first part, everything after that is your opportunity to make an intentional choice.  Mine will be, walking as far away as possible and never looking back.

Arry
P.S. Many thanks to my friend Minda for her contributions of intellectual ping-pong and critical thinking spent talking about this topic.  It's with her collaborative brain that I was able to get this article done.